The crazy, demented story 'when you duel Yugi'
by VoldemortsLemming
Summary: As the title says, a crazy demented story about when all the diffrent characters duel Yugi and how a fangirl always ruins it. And yes, if you don't like randomness then do not read!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own yugioh or any of the _amazing_ characters! But I wish I did! :P

Alright, this is my first Yugioh fanfiction, and its just some stupid oneshot thing. It has to be said I _do_ like writing comedies, if you can call this that, I suppose other people might just call it random. . .  
Anyway this is my second FF in which the 'crazy deranged fangirl' features! the other one is **'Voldemort and the crazy fangirl of doom'** or something like that, anyway you can find it on my profile. Don't be scared now, just follow the linky!! :)

I _bet_ you cant guess who the crazy fangirl is? . . . ITS YOU!!

This is what would happen if a crazy fangirl interrupted this perfectly normal -coughcough- world of Yugioh.

* * *

**1. The Crazy Demented Chapter About Marik and VEINS!**  


* * *

Yugi Moto and Marik Ishtar stared across the arena at each other. A venomous man on man stare. The kind of stare that sends shivers down your spine just watching.

A light breeze from the south messed up Yugis hair. Yugi always used a lot of hair gel, or maybe the top of his head had got board one day and mutated itself. Either way the breeze had absolutely no effect on his sculptured locks (if one can call it that.) But Mariks cloak, not being as _rock-like_ as Yugis hair, billowed in an evil-madman sort of way and somewhere in the distance Kaibas blimp blimped. (As blimps often do.)  
The two enemy's stopped shuffling each others decks and returned to their 'places', never once losing eye contact or stealing each other's cards. (Which personally I think would be a good start to taking-over-the-world-in-an-evil-way! But everyone to thier own opinuns I guess.) The Umpire (I suppose that's what he's called) drew a long, deep, rattling breath. His chest heaved, his eyes bulged and with an enormous effort he raised his hand . . . he looked so depressed they thought he was going to die . . .  
"Let the dual begin!" He announced dramatically in a monotone. How someone with a monotone instead of a voice can be dramatic remains, to this day, one of earths greatest mysteries. . .

Marik and Yugi drew 5 cards.  
Someone yawned.  
The world blew up.  
Everyone was now currently swimming around in space.  
"You can take the first turn," Said Yugi (or the Pharaoh or Atem or Yami or Yummy or whatever!) in the politest way possible.  
Marik smiled in his psychoctic I-will-rule-your-face kind of way, veins popping up and saying hello in all the wrong places.  
No one actually said anything about the veins in the whole series, so I will now describe them in the best way I can just to give them the credit they really deserve. the veins where, on the whole, just like any other veins. They where long, thin, and full of blood, and they liked to pulsate in a very . . . urm . . . lets say in-your-face way, which either meant he was very excited or had extremely high blood pressure and seeing as it happens to him an awful lot and it is humanly _impossible_ to get that excited in one day, we will assume, in this fanfiction, that it is the latter. That being the case indicates he will die sooner then an average human being.

Now children wasn't that _interesting?_

Anyway now that the veins have been probably credited we can continue our story.

Once upon a time Marik Ishtar drew a card and looked at it.  
"For my first card, I play . . . "  
"WEEEEE MARIK MARIK GOOOOOO MARIK AND YOUR GREAT INSANE AWESOMENESS!!"  
He looked up just in time to see a crazy, demented fangirl run out of the nearest lift. He grinned and then perverted everyone's minds by sticking his tongue . . . well lets not go there . . . anyway he was actually thinking, he always did this when he thought, it helped him to come to terms with his inner braincells. Aaahh the delicious braincells, tasted like chicken they did. . . Now where was he? Oh yes, about to play his first card.  
"I pla. . . "  
"YOOHOO HI MARIK AND MARIKS VEINS!! -furious waving-  
He decided to ignore the human.  
"I pl . . ."  
"I LIKE COOKIES!!"  
"I p . . ."  
"YOU'RE GPOING TO WIIIIINNNNN!! I KNOW BECAUSE MY TROGGLE HUMPER TOLD ME!!  
"I play . . ."  
"YOUR MUM!!"  
"MY MUMS FREEKING DEAD!"  
"MY MUM ABADONED ME!"  
"I _KILLED_ MINE!!"  
"CAN SOMEONE REMOVE THIS _PUNK_ FROM MY DUELING TOWER!!" Shouted Seto over the pandemonium. Seto kaiba seems to think everyone's a punk so, to be fair, he could have been talking about anyone.  
"My mum split me from my big brother!" Serenity cried, " which reminds me, I haven't said anything about my big brother yet. Go Joey, you can win, I know you can! I will always be here for you. . . I LOVE YOU JOEY!!"  
"_Incest_!" Said the Umpire in a board tone, but seeing as he has no lines other then "Let the duel begin" Everyone ignored him. he suddenly wondered why he hadn't committed suicide yet . . .

Then Yugi cried and the Pharaoh lectured everyone on the fart of the cards and Tea, feeling left out because she was the only one who's name _also_ spelt the name of a beverage, drew smiley faces on everyone and poisoned their blood flow.

And so everyone lived (or died as the case may be) happily ever after, accept Bakura because _he_ didn't get to say anything thus is the case with most people trapped in a huge, triangle shaped pendent.

And so the Irish jig was born.

* * *

Don't you just_ love_ Terry Pratchett books? Totally off subject I know!

I love Yugioh by the way and yes my fav character is evil yami marik! Well there has to be some strange people out there . . . . It makes the world a better . . . well not a better place! :D  
Comments\crit would be _great_ but I would rather not get a nice long hearty flame if you can help it! Thanks in advance!

Mysti AKA 'Wax'


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **VoldemortsLemming doesn't own yugioh

Hello, well yes this story _was _just going to be a oneshot with one chapter etc, but er. . . I sortof wrote another one while I was bored one day. . .heh! :)

* * *

**2. The Chapter which Kaiba doesn't confess his secret lust for Yugi but embarrasses himself muchly by farting instead.**

* * *

Seto Kaiba needed to fart.  
He could feel it welling up inside him and he knew, if anything, it was going to be a biggen!  
'Damn,' he thought privately inside one of the many computer filled rooms that was his mind, 'It just so happens to want to escape when I'm in the middle of very important duel with Yugi, _of all people!_'  
"What's wrong Kaiba?" Came the scornful voice of the Pharaoh from the other side of the arena, "got no worthy moves left?  
"Yugi," (every sentence starts with this name, one would think he was just ever so _slightly _obsessed. In fact, at this very moment fans all over the world are waiting excitedly for him to confess their forbidden love, but of course he's not going to because that would be boring.) Kaiba stopped, obviously searching his vocabulary for a suitable word. Dog, punk, duel, technical computer jargon, dog, geek, Mokuba, dog, virtual duel system, dog, more complicated computer jargon and lastly, dog. Nope, none of them would service, although he was quite tempted to call Yugi a dog for some strange reason. . .

_~ A CD player pops onto the sidelines and starts playing Marilyn Manson – This is Halloween._Marik Ishtar stepped out of the shadows.

A psychotic grin played across his face.

A bloodstained millennium rod in one hand.

A billowing cloak, fastened by means of a great chain (otherwise known as 'evil bling') billowed.

Serenity fainted.

Marik strode across to the viewing gallery (if that's what its called) in three great strides, turned, and showed off his facial veins to the camera for no apparent reason. The camera cracked slightly.

_~The track changed to Bee Gees – staying Alive._Marik looked awkward, obviously he had forgotten what was on that CD. . .

"Can someone smash that CD before I go insane!!" Shouted Seto. _Someone _happily obliged. There was a cold silence in which Tristen (who had been busy singing along in a tuneless falsetto) suddenly noticed that everyone was staring at him and consequentially turned an unattractive shade of red that had all the delight of a beetroot.  
"That's_ better!" _Sighed Seto with an air of someone who was deeply troubled by a personal reason that they didn't want to share with the rest of the world just quite yet.  
He would have to share it sooner or later though and he knew it.  
It came sooner then he would've liked.

Silence.

A very shocked silence.

After a while Mokuba spoke, his voice trembling slightly.  
"B b b big brother? Did you just fart?"

Everyone held their breath. Good thing they did too because the smell. . . well lets just say Kaiba had had beans for breakfast, I'll leave the rest to the imagination. . .  
seto Kaiba honestly didn't know what to say, for once he just wished he could shrink away into the background, but of course he couldn't because he's the main character in this fanfiction.

Yugi giggled nervously.

Kaiba tried to regain his reputation by walking up to his arch enemy and kicking him as hard as he could in 'the place where the sun don't shine'. (All over the world men are clutching themselves and cringing at the thought.) he promptly got arrested for child abuse.  
A wad of something suspiciously paper-thin passed between him and the guard.  
"I'm sorry Mr Kaiba Sir, I must have been mistaken." The guard tugged at his collar sheepishly, a trickle of sweat making its way down his forehead as he spoke.

The sweat had a name.

It was called sweatdrop.

But that's not really important.

"Yes," said Kaiba coldly, "you _where_ mistaken, now get out of my sight before you contaminate my eyes!" The guard took the hint and the cash and ran for it.

Sweatdrop fell to the floor and died.

Kaiba looked down at the crumpled heap that was Yugi. He prodded him slightly with a commanding toe in a way which quite obviously screamed 'I have more money then you!'  
"You bastard!" Shouted Yugi, his face screwed up in pain, "I haven't even reached puberty yet!"  
"Good! Serves you right for not reaching it then! You slow developers make me sick."  
"Erm, big bro? Doesn't everything to do with anyone make you sick?"  
"shut up Mokuba!"  
"Ok!"  
"SETO KAIBA HAS A SMALL PENIS!" _Someone_ shouted from nowhere in particular.  
"OK WHO SAID THAT???"

A crazy demented fangirl of doom stepped out of the lift.

"Its true you know!" She said.  
"Yea . . . WHAT???!!! HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?"  
"Us fangirls know everything! She announced knowingly. Pulling off an extremely cheesy wink as she did so.

Everyone shifted uncomfortably as the conversation when from bad to worse.

_Someone _led Mokuba away.

Seto Kaiba was very, very disturbed by now.

". . . and if you really want proof that I was there then watch this video I made." She ended, proudly brandishing a video camera. Joey lent over the side of the blimp and vomited. . .

. . . someone far bellow was very unlucky. . .

* * * *

After the day was over Kaiba sat in his all powerful throne and thought about the day's events, his mind still greatly disturbed against his will.

Yugi didn't move all night.  
Tea stayed with him and talked about friendship.  
Joey and Tristen ate food.  
Serenity got up, saw Yugi and fainted again.  
And Marik stared up at his ceiling, seeing how long it could hold out against his psychotic face.

No one even noticed that _Someone _had kidnapped Mokuba. . .

* * *

Don't expect any more chapters, but if I write any more then I write some more. . . I might do ^_~

Mysti AKA 'Wax'


End file.
